Topic: the broken hearts club

I'll just set this up, because i don't want to flood the lifesucks-thread with this anymore.
So if anyone needs to share, i propose we cry our heartaches here, instead.

I'll start by quickly stating that i still haven't learned to not page through my ex's facebook pictures with her new hot hairdo and ongoing life.
It really is a quick way to instantly feel very bad.

http://fossa.bandcamp.com
Shitting in a lavatory, conducting experiments.
Farticles come near and disappear.

Re: the broken hearts club

facebook was the reason she dumped you in the first place

it's harsh but you've got hear it sooner or later

cuties don't exert

Re: the broken hearts club

hunt for other girls, that's what I always do, it doesn't really help but at least, it's fun.
And remember:
http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTyenAyQbVSvlZhM7yjelkdcJGOEsbygnmqD9aW12VXN5FRAyeD&t=1

"A Real Music Hater"

Re: the broken hearts club

I want to help but I don't really know what to say.  I think just finding a group of people to talk with in person will help.  You've got to quit lookin at her facebook though... hopefully you can take some precautions against it and also find some distractions for yourself.  advice sucks though... you really do need to talk it out

Re: the broken hearts club

i'm in !

lärm macht spass!

Re: the broken hearts club

mushaden wrote:

I want to help but I don't really know what to say.  I think just finding a group of people to talk with in person will help.  You've got to quit lookin at her facebook though... hopefully you can take some precautions against it and also find some distractions for yourself.  advice sucks though... you really do need to talk it out

Yea and i've talked this pretty much through as much as i possibly can in this time, i even took some therapy (5 free sessions paid by my workplace yesss).

I'm not sure if i really have anything new to say about this stuff, at least at the moment. The conversation at the other thread just spread so much that i thought it would be a good idea to spawn a dedicated thread, as there are also very serious stuff happening to people and it kinda makes me feel a bit dorky to complain about some girl over someones fatal disease (even tough heartaches can be very very very devastating too).

So please do share if some one broke your heart or cpu and tell us how are you going on.

Ray Van Mechelen wrote:

hunt for other girls, that's what I always do, it doesn't really help but at least, it's fun.
And remember:

And yes, that's what i've been striving to do, but it's the effin' weekends after 2, and this time 3 days of boozing and circling around parties ad bars and places that make me feel lonely and think all day about my ex.
I'ts hard to pick up anyone because as i said, ive become really picky after her, but maybe i just need to temporarily lower my standrds and just hunt for some casual something. (i really dont know if that's a good idea either..)

And ytz, no, it wasn't facebook, it was her inability to love anyone continuously for more that few months, probably rooting down to her bipolar disorder.

And i'm sorry if i'm repeating myself. It's not intended.

Last edited by Fossa (2011-04-25 11:16:23)

http://fossa.bandcamp.com
Shitting in a lavatory, conducting experiments.
Farticles come near and disappear.

Re: the broken hearts club

Sort of?

"Are you loving?"

Re: the broken hearts club

Oh no not The Beatles. They remind me of my ex, haha.

Fossa wrote:

Yea and i've talked this pretty much through as much as i possibly can in this time, i even took some therapy (5 free sessions paid by my workplace yesss).

Have you felt if it had any help? I've thought that a lot. I've had some numbers to call to but for some reason when I'm picking up the phone, I think am I just overreacting or that people have bigger issues and that I can fight my way through this on my own. I don't know who am I trying to fool when I'm still trapped after all this time.

You were just a damn sequencer
Moving to the beat
Living with a synthesizer
Cold as a repeat

Re: the broken hearts club

Henri Puolitaival wrote:

Have you felt if it had any help? I've thought that a lot. I've had some numbers to call to but for some reason when I'm picking up the phone, I think am I just overreacting or that people have bigger issues and that I can fight my way through this on my own. I don't know who am I trying to fool when I'm still trapped after all this time.

You know, i thought excactly the same at first. I also become embarrassed about even the thought to having therapy over an issue, which is very common to almost everyone in some point of their lives, and knowing that therapy is mainly needed for people that have really hard issues with their lives.

But if you think about it, for me i came down from the time of my life to the deepest muds of my life, in terms of happiness. This spring i had within a couple of days, the biggest emotional contrast i've ever had in my whole life. Also i cannot imagine how bad the really deeply depressed people feel, and i don't know how do my lows compare to their lows. But the kind of emotional hangover and loss and the lowest lows of my life, were partly so hard to be with that i came to a conclusion that it is justified for me to seek therapy for it. No matter how stupid or naive it would or feel.
Also when you compare yourself to people whose loved ones have died, i really feel this can be even worse. I've thought many times that if she had died suddenly in an accident, i'd still have a beautiful memory of her. Now i have to see her around and hear all kinds of shit about her.
But maybe the biggest point here is, that i for example, do not have really many friends to talk to about this kind of stuff. Therapy is in very many cases mostly just listening to the person, and a therapist listens to you unconditionally and unjudgementally, what even most friends cannot do.

So i say that do it. It probably wont magically rid you of bad feelings, but for me it definitely helped me to deal with it faster and easier.

Besides, i've been for a long time talking to people how therapy should much much more easily available. Kinda like dental care that everyone needs to go once a year or something. I really think society would be a LOT better if all of us could see a therapist easily or maybe even mandatorily.

Last edited by Fossa (2011-04-26 08:01:27)

http://fossa.bandcamp.com
Shitting in a lavatory, conducting experiments.
Farticles come near and disappear.

Re: the broken hearts club

In a way I think that the issue that has been there as the topmost thing, the one that has been bothering me above all has been the break-up without a doubt, but probably the impossibility for me to get over with suggests that there's something more. How I felt so insecure and uncertain about myself even when we were together and how I became possessive and jealous were all signs that I should've taken some kind of a control over those things way before and way earlier until it was too late for me to even realize how it affected.

I've learned a lot. The first time I've really tried to get a hold of myself and live independently was when she moved out. She forced me to face the reality and of course that has been the positive side in all this. But also after that my life hasn't been nothing but contrasts and contradicts - a struggle to find the balance. It's pretty much the same; within a day I can go from feeling that life's full of possibilities and nothing can stop me to just sitting on a couch, staring at the wall thinking that what there really is to look forward to? We had a number of plans and dreams to share with my ex. This summer we would do that and the next we could go there. Now all is just void and I really can say that at the moment I'm not looking forward to anything. I don't have dreams nor plans.

The very same thought has been running through my mind a lot too. What if she would've just died? Probably I still would've cursed how unfair life is so in a best scenario we would've crashed in a same car or had the same deadly disease. Now I think how come it's so easy for her to move on, what's there for her to smile about if not me? I used to make her smile so it simply can't be that someone else would be now, even though I want her to be happy.

I agree. Therapy is also about finding new ways to deal with issues along with opening things up, making yourself to be aware of them. It's about preparing yourself when something new comes up. When that happens, maybe you don't feel as small, useless nor powerless then. I don't want to bother those few mates I have with personal problems like this, in a way I can't even open up the way I'd like to or I would have to in order for me to let it all out.

Absolutely. The threshold is so high for one to go and see someone. I've noticed it myself now. But I'm definitely not against the idea and from time to time I feel that it could be the smartest thing I could do with my life at this point. Last summer I fixed my teeth so now it's probably time to get the rest of the head cleaned up. It's something a lot of people should do.

You were just a damn sequencer
Moving to the beat
Living with a synthesizer
Cold as a repeat

Re: the broken hearts club

http://www.crapweb.nl/website/wp-content/uploads/2008/04/emo.jpg

try to quit being an emo and go on with your life, dating other girls is the best medicine (in my experience)

Re: the broken hearts club

Well,just wanted to say that I can relate... although my little broken heart episode stems more from my mental health than something that happened in a relationship.  it is good to try to move on, although it was hard for me to because I always felt my feelings could never be as strong again... and that might even be true, but others are right (whether they are being nice or not) getting wrapped up in it in an

Re: the broken hearts club

marsman wrote:

http://www.crapweb.nl/website/wp-content/uploads/2008/04/emo.jpg

try to quit being an emo and go on with your life, dating other girls is the best medicine (in my experience)


oewf, that pic on an empty stomach  lol
Oh c'mon marsman, men can also be emo when it comes to love you know.
Well it's pretty harsh but it sums it up pretty well: meeting/dating other girls isn't a bad thing, in the beginning it doesn't really help (as I noticed last week, it was a bit too sloppy, especially last Sunday  big_smile ), certainly in the beginning but after a while details from the girl are fading and from then on you can move on. I still have bad days (when I'm alone)but my real friends are very supportive and caring, it helps a lot. Plus, I have too many stuff to do. But when everything is still fresh I know that weird feeling: it's like you're living outside of yourself, you do stuff but you aren't really aware of it. Conclusion: other and better and they don't diserve you (I say that for all of us guys).
And summer is getting there so the girls are wearing less clothes, win-win situation.

Last edited by Ray Van Mechelen (2011-04-26 06:29:01)

"A Real Music Hater"

Re: the broken hearts club

i got some good advice from QoB on this forum: ignore the ladies and (if they are really interested) they will come. at first i didn't believe it and just continued my emo crybaby behaviour. but girls smell this like a shark smells blood 50km away.

Last edited by heifetz (2011-04-26 17:25:05)

Re: the broken hearts club

I'm so out of sync that I keep hearing "You know I was in love with you X years ago." roll

So.. I'll start assuming every girl I know/meet is in love with me right now and act on it directly.

☂ bezoek okiland !

Re: the broken hearts club

right, it doesnt matter if you like them.  just find a mate (anyone!) and remove the stigma of being alone from your life  lol

Re: the broken hearts club

100% correct. finding chicks is the easiest when you are in a relationship

Re: the broken hearts club

heifetz wrote:

i got some good advice from QoB on this forum: ignore the ladies and (if they are really interested) they will come. at first i didn't believe it and just continued my emo crybaby behaviour. but girls smell this like a shark smells blood 50km away.

Run from me I'll chase after you, chase after me I'll run (?)

Re: the broken hearts club

So let me get this straight: "Emo has been associated with a stereotype that includes being particularly emotional, sensitive, shy, introverted, or angst-ridden."

That's me, that's how I've always been and I've faced it. I don't want to try to be the opposite for that because then I simply wouldn't be me anymore. Being emo isn't my issue here - or maybe it is because I usually am the one to find the negative side in everything, but I've also dwelled in this misery quite enough so now I'm just searching for ways to feel happy and content again (by my standards) like I used to still without the need to feel like a stranger in my own body. Changing the whole god damn personality seems like a lot of work. If I do resemble of the guy in the picture though, I think I really need to do something about it quick.

I've met girls, I've talked to them, have done plenty of approaches or attempts to try to approach people in general, I've ignored girls and hoped that someone will come knocking on my door one day - and nothing. Either it's me who has an empty feeling about all that and I'm running away in the end or everyone else gives me the impression that they're not in need of my company. Especially those whose company I would've enjoyed the most.

I'll crawl back into my batcave.

You were just a damn sequencer
Moving to the beat
Living with a synthesizer
Cold as a repeat

Re: the broken hearts club

admitting your emo is the first step in recovery.  but why complain about it if its in your nature?  maybe you dont want to recover?  ill tell you this much, most women arent looking for someone to comfort.  theyre the ones who want to be comforted! 

meanwhile...

http://www.mydirtreport.com/mydirtrepor … 1/2mp2.jpg

Re: the broken hearts club

heifetz wrote:

i got some good advice from QoB on this forum: ignore the ladies and (if they are really interested) they will come. at first i didn't believe it and just continued my emo crybaby behaviour. but girls smell this like a shark smells blood 50km away.

heifetz wrote:

100% correct. finding chicks is the easiest when you are in a relationship

Heifetz you're right on the spoth with these. I've always just bumped into girls, picking up only the ones that show some interest at me in the first place. And i think that way is good because it spares me the waste of time spent on girls that were not that interested in the first place.

But that second quote is rediculously true big_smile It's so goddamn frustrating to have girls hitting on you not being single. Heh, it's also almost inverse relative to how bad relationship you are and how "respectable" non-cheater gentleman you are.

This calls for an infographic or a mathematical formula big_smile

http://fossa.bandcamp.com
Shitting in a lavatory, conducting experiments.
Farticles come near and disappear.

Re: the broken hearts club

"100% correct. finding chicks is the easiest when you are in a relationship"

i dont know i think being single esp in your older years is seen as deviant behavior culturally (ie homo or pedophile) and that combatting this perceived feeling of inferiority is the key to finding chicks and happiness, with or without a relationship.  i personally prefer being alone over hearing some chick nag and generally stinking up the place creating some rut for yourself you can never escape (if youre married) or consuming energy watching tv all the time.   but thats just me tongue ataraxia/ Ne te quaesiveris extra

Re: the broken hearts club

cebteq wrote:

ill tell you this much, most women arent looking for someone to comfort.  theyre the ones who want to be comforted!

I'm not so sure. In my experience some women love "a project".

I said it before in the old thread. Being single is great and at some point it'll dawn on you that the time wasn't wasted, you'll have a rich source of imagery for creative work and you'll be dealing with that moment of awkwardness when you wake up next to some stranger.

I understand you can't turn the suave predator just "on" like that. was there anything she stopped you from doing? did she tell you to drink less for example? go get wasted for the fun of it. were there places you never went to because she never wanted to go to? go there. Movies? music? Embrace this moment of being able to do whatever the fuck you want because pretty soon there will be another woman who comes into your life and it'll be great, and you'll compromise and you'll be able to say "at least when I was single I made the most of it"

Re: the broken hearts club

In my experience girls looking for a project are really just looking to vindicate\ validate their own warped feelings

Re: the broken hearts club

haha ceb that is spot on, exactly what I don't want to hear but it's so true  hmm