ytz wrote:or you can just focus on feeling bad.
Or i can just focus on other things and leave the bad feeling marinate in my head. I'm trying to work these things through, i don't want to feel bad. But i know what you're trying to say guys.
I gotta tell you about my weekend. I'm not really sure if it has been a good or bad 2 days, but last night ended like shit for sure. I've had really good times with my friends these couple of days, and friday i actually got lucky and ended up having sex with this girl. It was fun, no doubt about that, but now i can say with even more certainty, that it sure doesn't make any of this bad feeling shit any better.
And this was confirmed this yesterday, as i was having a blast with my friends at a bar. I had been feeling superconfident, seeing a handsom dude in the mirror, and walking upwright like the future was shining to me again. And then, the dreaded shit happened, earlier than i'd ever thought it would happen.
I see my ex kissing someone in the middle of the fucking bar as i wnt to buy some more beer. She noticed me as i walked past her to get back to my table. I gave her probably the meanest look i've ever given to anyone. All the feelgood disappeared in a fraction of a second. Couldn't even finish my beer. I had to leave as i felt very near to actually start crying in front of my friends.
Then i also wrote an angry mail to her when i got home. It was probably a bad idea, but the fucking anges made me almost hit my fists into walls again.
It really pisses me off to be so fucked up about this. I wish she'd disappear from the fucking face of the earth. I don't want to see her ever again. Compairing my break up with death, yes i feel it's really the same. She's dead to me. And now she apparently haunts all the places i like to spend time.
Henri: I also think that it's not really a good idea to hang around with your ex like that. I dated this girl in hi school , who dumped me after a year. She was probably the only one i had felt this strong feelings what i'm feeling to this current ex. We did this weird see-saw thing almost two years, as she kept some of the tension and possibilities in the air, and i hung myself to her and couldn't let go. It was a terrible waste of time. For 2 years to constantly hope that we'd go back together again, which never happened, and getting hurt looking at her fiddle around with other people.
Don't do the same mistake as i did.
Huxflux: Hang in there. I'm whining about my shot term crushes and at the same time people are ending their long-time relationships, so i of course cannot relate accordingly. It really is a good thing that these things end before they go worse of ruin our lifes or wate our time, but it seally just sucks that it's so hard to make shitty feelings go away, nevermind how rationally you think about these matters. I hope you get it easy.
Muuten, tuu Henri Grillin festareille kesällä 8.7 suomensaareen ja yo-talolle. Soitan siel elektroo ja muutenki tulee vitun tiukat kekkerit 
http://fossa.bandcamp.comShitting in a lavatory, conducting experiments.
Farticles come near and disappear.
I feel realy bad when I listen to them because it brings a lot of memory : I always played this song and a few others new wave classics when I went to her place, hitchhiking during the summer. 
I even like their most cheesy stuff 